(From Issue 11)
Music blasted through my headphones as I took my wet T-shirt from the basket and pinched it to the clippers with the rest of my washed clothes. I was playing my favorite song by an artist I have come to like recently. Just like every other song I liked, I was planning to keep it on repeat until I got tired of it and found something new. I sang along to some of the lyrics and watched my shadow dance, if I could even call it that, to the catchy melody. It didn’t seem to have a care in the world. Knowing that no one could possibly be watching me and my literally sick moves felt like paradise. Well, maybe it really was paradise because at the moment, I lived on a floating island. Still grooving, I spun around, the view of clouds going for hundreds of thousands of miles, and the blue sky lit by the sun was all that was around my little island. It almost seemed like walking on the clouds was possible, although I was sane enough not to try. If someone had asked me why I was here, I honestly couldn’t give them a clear answer. One second, I was sleeping in my apartment, and the next thing I knew, I was here. That is simple and yet so complicated and probably scientifically impossible too.
I took the basket off the grass and headed back to my little house, placing it right outside the entrance. It never rained here, so I had no worries about the basket getting ruined by bad weather. It was really a good thing because I hated the rain. It just keeps me down all day, and I become a little ball of unproductiveness. But that wouldn’t happen here. Instead, all I got was a cool breeze of wind and the warm sun shining on me every day. Going inside my house, I headed towards the kitchen to pour myself a glass of water. This, too, was strange because water comes out of the sink on this floating island. But maybe there was a pipe system that I am unaware of, and if you looked from afar, maybe even from on top of the clouds, this island had pipes growing from the bottom, penetrating the clouds, and finally reaching Earth.
I gulped down the cold, refreshing water and placed it in the sink with my other dirty dishes from this morning, which were stacked on each other. I think I’ll wash the dishes later… I decided to make something to eat as the sun had started to set, and I was starting to feel peckish.
What to make, what to make…
I rummaged through my drawers, taking some noodles, carrots, onions, and potatoes, and placed them on the kitchen surface.
Boil the noodles for pasta, and also the vegetables for soup…
I grabbed some chicken and cream for the pasta from my refrigerator. I was taking all this food like it was no big deal, but it made no sense, just like everything else on this island, too. And to add to it, I was saving my food before, assuming there was no way to restock it on this island. But just when I thought I was starting to run out, I woke up to my drawer and refrigerator stocked with food. You would be frightened too, right? The possibility of another person on this small island that you were unaware of. I even stayed up all day once to see who was restocking my things, but there was no one, and the food just seemed to appear from thin air. Maybe a little person living in these walls had access to all the little doors and secret passages I hadn’t noticed and didn’t want me to stay hungry. After a while, I got used to it, though, because whoever, or whatever, was restocking my food seemed to do no harm. Heck, they even managed to figure out my favorite foods after a while.
I finished plating my food, poured half a glass of some red wine, and decided to eat at my little dining table by the window as I had been doing for the past few months. Placing my plates on the table, I pulled out my chair and sat down. The sun could barely be seen over the horizon, and the sky was a beautiful orange-purple. It felt like I was in a movie with my music playing in the background of this scene, but I knew it was too loud to be considered background music. I decided to turn it off for once, switching off my headphones. The music can get tiring, too, sometimes. The silence was a bit eerie, and I looked across the table to the empty chair on the other side.
Whoever designed this place sure did a shit job.
I sighed as I started to eat my food and take small sips of my wine. To be honest, I was starting to get a little sick of eating the same things over and over again because I only knew so many recipes. Trust me, you would too. If I knew I would be deserted on an island, I would’ve come more prepared.
I wish I could eat my mom’s cooking…
The sudden thought crossed my mind. The desire for more food probably reminded me of her. My mom hands down makes the best food in the world. Everything from Japanese food to Mexican food to anything that you could come up with, she could make. And only god knows how much I am craving some Mexican food right now.
The sunlight faintly shone on my wine glass, casting a beautiful red reflection onto the table. Now that I think about it, I haven’t seen her for a while. I mean, duh, I’m on a floating island for crying out loud, but I mean even before that too.
When was the last time…?
It was probably around 1 year ago, during summer break, when I visited my family in my hometown. I vaguely remember my mom asking me what I wanted to eat every night, to the point I found it annoying. Now, I can’t even remember what she had cooked at that time. It’s funny, it was hard to remember the good times we had together, but the bad times seemed to be stamped into my brain permanently. Maybe that’s why I avoided discussing things with her, especially things I struggled with.
I took another sip of my wine, reached for my phone, and placed it on the table, opening my message app.
No messages today as well…
I didn’t expect there to be any, well, maybe I did a little at first. But not anymore. I didn’t try to send anything from my side anyway. I’m pretty sure that the messages wouldn’t go through either. I just hoped that all the people I knew had forgotten about me.
Tired of thinking, I turned on my headphones again and listened to the same song I had been listening to since I wound up on this island. This place was better than down there, I was sure of it.
The bright sun shone through the window, beaming onto my face and waking me up as my music played. Another day had started as it usually did. You’re probably wondering what I do on this island every day, and I can honestly say, not much. I take naps outside in the grass, do some chores, and read some books. Well, that’s actually pretty much all there is to do on this small floating island, trust me. It can get boring at times for sure, but it’s very peaceful, and I would take peacefulness over anything.
Oh, you know what. I think I’ll have a little tea party today outside in the sun.
I headed to the kitchen to boil some water. While that was boiling, I took my table and chair outside and placed them on the grass near the edge of the island to get a nice view of the clouds. Today, the clouds were the same as usual, puffy and white. The water had started to boil when everything was set in place, so I had to decide what tea I would be drinking today. Earl Grey, English Breakfast, Chai…There were so many to choose from, but I ultimately chose English Breakfast, which was my favorite. I grabbed a teapot from the drawers and poured the water into it, the water slowly turning an orange-ish brown. A pleasant, strong scent came from the teapot as well. I set my cup, creamer, and sugar pot on the table and waited for the tea to be ready.
The designs on the cups were nice, they had blue flowers and some yellow ones too. My sister would probably also enjoy them too, but she was always picky about these kinds of things, so it was hard to tell. She was actually the one who got me into drinking tea in the first place. She would always make me a cup of tea when she was making one for herself, and it always tasted sweet because she would put 4 or 5 sugar cubes in it. I remember telling her several times that I didn’t want to get diabetes, but it seems like she could never remember. She also always filled the cup to the brim, so I would have trouble drinking it; it would always spill. But no matter how much I told her, she always challenged how much she could fill the cup and never listened.
I decided to turn off my music a little to enjoy the sound of the breeze today. The wind started to pick up as I wondered how my sister was doing. Last time I checked, she was finally attending her classes at university and seemed to be doing well. It was a relief. I would always worry about her, even if it were about the smallest things, whether her health was okay now, whether she liked school now, whether there was anything going on in her life, or if there was anything she wanted. I remember how my mom would always call me when she was having one of her episodes, and how my mom also struggled with how to deal with them. I specifically remember I was going to talk to her about my own problems once, but when I learned about how much she struggled to deal with my sister, I decided I probably shouldn’t. And talking with my sister about my problems was out of the question; I was the older sister after all. I was supposed to be strong. The breeze picked up, and the smell of fresh tea reached my nose. It was probably ready by now. I poured my tea carefully into my cup, keeping my other hand on the teapot’s lid so it wouldn’t fall. The orange-ish brown liquid filled the pearl white cup, along with some of the tea leaves seeping through. I added four sugar cubes to the drink and also some milk, and the color changed into a light beige. I sipped on my tea, admiring the view.
If only I could show my sister this, too…
But I knew that wasn’t possible. My gaze went towards my headphones. Their black color seemed to shine as sunlight reflected off their plastic. They were worn out, pieces of their padding had begun to flake, and the plastic had small scratches everywhere. They looked like they had been through a lot. But I still liked them, they’re a real savior. The endless amount of sleepless nights and crying over my life struggles that I had somehow passed were thanks to them. They provided me with a safe place where I didn’t have to think about reality. Well, at least until reality called for me.
Suddenly, a gust of wind hit, knocking over my table and the things on it. This was the moment I realized how bad my reflexes were because by the time I had sat up from my chair, my headphones and phone were tumbling over the edge, jumping off my island. I hurried to the ledge, only to see them hurling towards the clouds, eventually getting engulfed in their puffiness.
Shit…
I don’t know exactly how much time had passed since then, but stars popped up into the sky, and it had somehow become nighttime in what seemed like a matter of seconds.
Another day had come, just like always. I had a lot of time to think from that time my headphones and phone sought and obtained freedom. I was fine now, but until yesterday, useless questions were on my mind, questions that I had no correct answer to, like my mind was trying to make me think about problems that were now irrelevant.
I’m not sure how many days have passed, I didn’t bother counting. My eyes feel puffy, and my body feels weak. I haven’t felt like this in a while. I sat on the ledge of my island, dangling my feet above the clouds, the cool air tickling them, and the bright sun shining on me. The urge to walk on those puffy clouds was still there.
I didn’t want to leave this island because it was paradise, a dream come true. A place where no one knows me, a place where I didn’t need to worry about my music getting interrupted, a place where I could feel at peace. It feels like the spell that this floating island had cast upon itself has broken. It had become something completely different. Now, it’s just a lonely island where I am trapped with my thoughts, alone.
I just wanted a break, you know. A break where everything was okay. But now that that’s gone, I really have nothing to do here. I wish I could fall asleep and never wake up. I wish I could get rid of these emotions that made my heart sink all day. But of course, that was impossible. Even with death, I would still have experienced these emotions. They were a part of me I couldn’t fix.
I looked down at my feet, the white clouds almost looked as though they were rising, inching closer and closer to me.
I think I want to go back home.
Is it a bit sudden? I think so too. I actually found it funny because the past few days I was struggling as if death was right around the corner, but the next day, I forgot it all, and I’m fine again. That’s why I had to act now before my mind was filled with useless thoughts again. At least at home, I can buy myself a new pair of headphones, eat my mom’s cooking, and drink my sister’s sweet tea.
Nothing will change, and I won’t be able to tell anyone anything, but that’s okay. I’m probably being dramatic, I know I am. In a way, I’ll just continue on as I have always, whether it be good or bad. That’s why I know that no matter how I feel, I’ll be fine. Even though I feel like I’m living just to breathe…that’s still living. And I’m happy with it, kind of. Well, I do want to say that in the future, I wish to be living just to have fun.
With that, I find myself leaning forward, finally walking on these clouds. I couldn’t really describe how they felt under my feet. Maybe like nothing at all. They carried me as I said goodbye to my floating island, but I was still unsure if this was okay.
Angles 